A Girl Trying Things

Many a ponderance today…

The last several years have been quite a journey.

As I move away from what I would identify as a phase of survival and into one of security and expansion, I reflect back on everything that I overcame and also I consider what may be in the cards next.

I admit that I have been operating from a very sensitive and guarded place. If I am honest, I have been in recovery in a lot of ways, for a really long time.

This is the first time, maybe in all of my life, where I have felt like whatever I want really is on the table.

I don’t feel overwhelmed by that, as much as I finally feel a deep sense of peace. Perhaps I could describe it as belief finally setting in. The belief becomes relief.

I got to thinking about what this all might look like…

I started asking myself:

What is it you’re afraid of? What is it you’re worried about? What is it you‘re avoiding?

Are these things actually reasonable?

Are there ways to achieve what you want while bypassing these concerns?

It is easy for us to assume that we will be met with criticism and negativity… if we open up. If we expose all the parts of ourselves…

It is easy to think that we will be left there, holding all of that weight… Alone.

Maybe we think we will be ostracized. Maybe we think we will be judged. Maybe we think we will be rejected.

But what happens if —

You are Seen?
You are Met?
You are Held… with care?

Maybe the world is not so ready to push you away. Maybe it’s learning how to hold someone that can be so vulnerable. Maybe it needs more examples of what it is like to be…

Human — unapologetically loud.

If you wear your heart on your sleeve, you could end up hurt… Sure.

But what if your courage was enough to save someone’s life?

What if your clarity and heart led someone to themselves, when they could not find the way alone?

What if your self love was so powerful, that it had no other option but to show others how to love themselves with the same intensity?

Would you still keep it locked away?

Would you still hold people at arm’s length?

Would you still stand in fear over truth?

The fear… is that you will be seen and misunderstood. The fear is that a story will get away from you… before you have a chance to prepare others… trying to control any perception that a person might develop of you…

You want to be able to present… When you should just be able to exist.

Your story stands. Unaltered…as a matter of Fact.

The person you are, the events of your life, every choice you’ve made, every thread of you… is, just as it is. Without influence, without opinion…

How do they say it?
It is what it is.

By being uncomfortable and sharing… by removing any concern of what others might think…

If you stand wholly in yourself —
Believe in yourself —
Stand proudly in who you are —

You are in a stance of power that nobody can take from you.

This might all seem a little out of nowhere, but it will make sense in time. I promise.

The baseline has elevated.

I am willing to say that there’s been a development in the deepest part of my core.

My identity has shifted.

I am excited to go through the motions of this all with you and for you to begin understanding what I mean… I am excited to make it all make sense with you.

In the meantime…
I want to say this for now:

Every day that things felt absolutely impossible and still you kept getting up… You just kept going. I am proud of you.

Every day that you decided to rest — giving yourself grace instead of punishing yourself for not producing as much as you believed you should. I am proud of you.

Every time you sat still in the madness instead of spinning out of control. I am proud of you.

Every day that you felt the weight of it all was too much to carry alone, and then you went and absolutely bodied that shit, ANYWAY. I am so. fucking. proud of you.

I just want you to know that.

I’m so proud of you.

A Girl Trying Things